How To Rebuild Intimacy With Your Partner

We are social beings.We hope to complete ourselves through our relationships. We enter into relationships because we are motivated by our needs and we unconsciously hope others will fulfill our unfulfilled ones. I say unconsciously because until we awaken to a conscious living, we place the burden on others to fill our empty cup of love. What a heavy load to lay on someone else!

Intimacy is a great gateway for us, humans, to access ourselves. This is why the term LOVE-MAKING exists. It is, in essence, moving energy to awaken our hearts. The sexual energy is so very potent that it can give life to another human being! When the heart energy center is blocked, it affects our whole being. Love cannot flow. And life cannot grow when there’s a disconnect in our emotional body. Healing the chakras is needed if we wish to awaken to an epic, juicy life and relationship.

1. Exercise Presence

So I ask you, how can we possibly hold presence for your loved one when you can’t be present for yourself? This becomes a royal mess…trying to relate to people from a place of limitations, judgements, fear-based emotional state of being. We expect others to complete us. No one taught us any better. Most people live half asleep, unaware to the concept of Living in the Now. Exercise presence, with yourself first and foremost, and then with others.This is the best way to build intimacy and meaningful relationships around you. Give yourself fully to the present moment. When you cook, do it with all your heart. When you kiss your boyfriend or girlfriend, feel his/her lips, be fully present in your whole being. If you hug, hug like you mean it. Give the best of yourself in every given situation. Avoid allowing your mind to jump on to the past or the future, escaping the present moment. Just Be. Feel. Open up to love.

When you learn how to fill your own cup, you won’t go around the world empty, at the mercy of others’ approval because this is precisely how you give your power away! Listen with an open heart. Listen with compassion. Hold space as your partner expresses him/herself, instead of thinking of what you’re going to say next in order to win the argument. When you choose love over ego, you both win. When you choose ego over love, it might seem as though you’ve won the battle, but in this case, the relationship suffers at the price of you alone, feeling victorious. Presence allows you to hold space in an open, loving manner. This is a sure way to start healing wounds and reconnecting with your partner from a place of understanding and unconditional love.

2. Practice Contentment and Gratitude

Contentment is a beautiful yogic principle. They call it Santosha. In our modern-day world, we’re all too consumed by our desires, needs and wants, plus the rat race to climb up the corporate ladder leaves us exhausted and feeds the fantasy of a better, brighter future ahead. If we’re not constantly creating fantasies in our minds about mañana, next month or when we achieve this or that…you fill in the blank here with the one thing you think needs to happen in order for you to BE HAPPY, if we’re not in “future mode”, we’re diluted in the past. “I should’ve done this, I should’ve said that. I shouldn’t have bla bla bla”…again…more bullshit that keeps you trapped in the past. This is true for relationships too. We carry guilt, resentment, anger, fears..and we tend to bring those around when we start a new relationship.

Finding gratitude for WHAT IS rather than what COULD BE, is a game-changer. Stress dissolves once we accept our reality. No need to fight it, no need to dislike your status quo. Instead, find equanimity and balance and rejoice in this state of contentment. Remember you have chosen this person to be your partner, but above all, to be your teacher. Relationships are an excellent doorway to a deeper understanding of yourself and your human nature. So find contentment in whatever you’re navigating through in your relationship, for it’s bringing you closer to YOU! You learn as much from the good times as you do from the hardships. Then, you get to look back and see the expansion, the evolution that has taken place. You are able to appreciate all that you’ve gone through together. So in this present moment, exercise Santosha. 

3. Raise Your Vibes

Happiness comes from within. Raise your own energetic frequency (your vibes as they say), and the people you need in your life will come or stay, and those who need to leave, will go, effortlessly. This is the practice of clean energy. Not holding on to what no longer serves your higher purpose. When you are filled with joy and love, that’s what you will have to offer the world. And the world will in turn, reciprocate with the same frequency of bliss and love. What you give out, you get back. So rather than trying to “change” your partner or change other people’s stance in life, look deep within and see what YOU can release in order to make space for greater beauty in your life. Take care of yourself. Enroll in a new course of your liking. Take up on salsa lessons, or start Yoga and make new friends.  Take your mind away from your “problems” and direct your energies towards something positive. Soon enough, you’ll be smiling more, feeling lighter in your spirit and happier in life. Then, it’s just a matter of time before your partner notices how radiant and glowing you are and starts to wonder how to get some good juju as well!